I have been having sleepless nites lately. Plus headache and stress, bcoz I feel like I haven't done much whilst it's already the year is coming to the end in 2mths time.
Now that I am occupied with a book I'm planning to publish by early next year. At least that'd make me feel a bit productive.
With the urge of the Uni to be an RU (Research Uni), I now feel the pressure is more. Semua la kau nak jadi. World class la, RU la, paling tamak...nak jadi Innovative Entrepreneur Research Uni (IERU). Gila kuasa betul...
Well, I am scheduled to start my PhD by 2011. But recently, it was announced that scholarships for local postgrad study is plenty. If I apply, I'd easily get it.
The thing is...
I decided to come back to Msia after my Masters (despite getting a PhD project then) bcoz
1. I wanted to get married first
-Yes, I was so 'itchy'. Hahaha. Dah sampai seru la katakan...
2. I wished to bring MrHubby & my kid(s) to enjoy the life I had abroad
-I don't want to be 'syok sendiri' enjoying what I could have all by myself. I wanna share it with my loved ones.
3. I was inspired by some PhD candidates who could juggle motherhood, study, etc.
-K.Anis was one of those who opened up my mind to this.
4. I was thinking to get some experience first and that PhD thingy would be a getaway
-After a few years at work, definitely one needs fresh air to breathe. I was wrong here somehow. People here seem not to respect young lecturers as much as they do to PhD holders. Well, Malays kan? Need I say more?
5. If I came back much later, God knows who'd be my boss
-DrWan is the best boss one could own. He helped me going thru all sort of things from my undergrad days, and we share a lot of stories.
But now... I am left with a limited option.
Will I get a scholarship for going abroad?
Or would my dreams shatter? :(