Cikebum is 21 months now and I am actually now in a huge dilemma. I am still indecisive whether or not to try to conceive very soon. Well, pregnancy is no laughing matter, so we'll have to look at it from a wider perspective.
Actually, in the first place, MrHubby & I agreed to just let it be, but after seeing Cikebum's bizarre grumpiness last Sunday, it made me think twice, thrice and even more.
Can u please help me to make a decision? Lemme tell u...
Why I want it now?
I plan to stop breastfeeding as Cikebum turns two this Sept. Thus, there is a point that I should consider an addition to the family. Why now? Why not at a later time?
- I don't want to create a big gap between Cikebum and his brother/sister. Hence, conceiving now is just the right time, that they could be as close as I was with Acik when we were small (jadi penari bayang2..hahaha!)
- I am scheduled to do my PhD in 2011. If I were to wait for another year, I'm afraid the baby would be too small that I will have to attend to him/her most of the time (that will affect my focus on study). Honestly, I hardly been away from the lil' ones since his birth and breastfeeding has kept me so close together. If I were to wait much much later...ohhh! I think it is not advisable to juggle pregnancy and study at the same time, especially when u r in a foreign land. Let's not overestimate my capability!
Then, why do I worry?
I myself have my outré eccentrics too. I'm not good at anger management, hence Cikebum's outlandish attitudes could result in an Incredible-Hulk-lookalike Isabelle.
MrHubby just reminded me of my devilish wrath (during my confinement) just bcoz I discovered the kitchen floor was a bit greasy. Yes, just because... Creepy, eh?
This time, things might get worse as MIL won't be around to lend a helping hand anymore (she'll be occupied with FIL's haemodialysis). What more if Cikebum throws his tantrums again? Will I be able to handle it if the lil' ones cries for attention at the same time?
* * * * *Mmm... I know, there is never such thing like 'the right time'. Having babies is a rollercoaster ride - it's fun and could also be freaky at times. Being a real worrier, I have always wanted things perfect as I can get really down about life not being the way I wanted it to be.
Perhaps, I should flip a coin and say, if it's the head...lets get pregnant. Vice versa ???